Perfect Friendship

Friendship seems, too, to hold states together, and lawgivers ought to care more for it than for justice; for unanimity seems to be something like friendship, and this they aim at most of all, and expel faction as their worst enemy; and when men are friends they have no need of justice, while when they are just they need friendship as well, and the truest form of justice is thought to be a friendly quality. (Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics)

January 2^nd is the feast of St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory Nazianzen. They, along with St. Gregory of Nyssa (St. Basil’s brother) are known as the Cappadocian Fathers. Basil and Gregory Nazianzen had a deep Christian and intellectual friendship, as recounted by St. Gregory in his sermon “Two bodies, but a single spirit.”

St. Gregory’s account parallels Aristotle’s description of the prefect friendship, that of good men both pursuing truth and virtue. This principle is Scriptural as well, good friends make each other better as iron sharpens iron. This friendship is a love that desires the good of the other person and naturally has a sort of permanence so long as all parties continue seeking the good.

One of the characteristics of such friendship is security from slander (by one’s friends) and a desire for others to know of the value of one’s friend. St. Gregory writes of St. Basil,

I was not alone at that time in my regard for my friend, the great Basil. I knew his irreproachable conduct, and the maturity and wisdom of his conversation. I sought to persuade others, to whom he was less well known, to have the same regard for him. Many fell immediately under his spell, for they had already heard of him by reputation and hearsay.

He writes that their affection was increased as they learned together and realized that they shared the same motivations – a life of true wisdom. St. Gregory writes of the unanimity and freedom of this love,

The same hope inspired us: the pursuit of learning. This is an ambition especially subject to envy. Yet between us there was no envy. On the contrary, we made capital out of our rivalry. Our rivalry consisted, not in seeking the first place for oneself but in yielding it to the other, for we each looked on the other’s success as his own.

Through the perfect friendship, friends spur each other on to godliness. This requires rebuke when necessary, and the humility to recognize other’s strengths and one’s own weakness. St. Gregory writes,

We followed the guidance of God’s law and spurred each other on to virtue. If it is not too boastful to say, we found in each other a standard and rule for discerning right from wrong.

I was fortunate to fund such friends when I attended Patrick Henry College (though I'll not claim we were so wise or so virtuous as St. Gregory and St. Basil). Under the tutelage of wise and caring professors, our friendship of pleasure (to return to Aristotle's categories) grew into the better sort of friendship. Together we pursued truth and virtue, rebuking and submitting to each other when needed. We challenged each other's ideas and assumptions secure in the knowledge that we had the same goal - wisdom.

St. Thomas Aquinas writes that "There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship." As he notes, "Friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious." This is very true.